I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
