then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
