where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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