I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
