Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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