he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
