i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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