Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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