he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
