I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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