By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
