If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
