like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
