he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
