Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pants are for mortals
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
