Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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