The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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