Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
