New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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