bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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