The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
