i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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