Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
