I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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