Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
