Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
