smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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