its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My underwear smells like fireworks.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
