Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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