So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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