Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think my moral compass just broke
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
