Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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