shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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