Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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