with your own penis?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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