I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
