I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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