just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
