So drunk its hurt
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
