What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I look better un-naked...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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