Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
