Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
