she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize