it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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