Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
