Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
