Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
