Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
