Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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