we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
