So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
