Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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