i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
