when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
