Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
