My first STD was from a foam party
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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