When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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