So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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