how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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