do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
