Only a mothe r could love this liver
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
