thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
