Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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