Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
