Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
