I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
