I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
