I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
