Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
