She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
