It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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