I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
