were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
smell my finger.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
