Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
