you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
