these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to sanitize my soul.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
