Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
