JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
