I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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