I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
